My Very First Phone Sex

Yesterday I had my very first "Phone Sex "with my Girl Friend, Olive.

The contents of which are posted below:

When i called olive, these are the first words she uttered:

Olive: "CB Kia, you promised to ta-bao porridge for me but forget. i hungry liao waiting for you".

(Olive was on MC (sick-leave) and convalscing at home. And yes, "CB Kia" were indeed the first Term of Endearment she use on me.)

Me: "dear dear me never forget. just left work only (i lied). u know tat my boss target underperforming staff and micro-manage them wat"

(true. but apparently not for me tis month. if me not considered underperforming then my company sibei jialat)

Me: "but u say u feeling better wat .... anyway wat porridge u want, i go to 长城 (near smith street) all the way for u okay?"

(me thinks: ..... please don't say okay, as i frankly sian to take taxi to go there all the way - and some more so "ex" the food).

Olive: "never mind lah. by the time wait for u buy, i starve and die. i already eat toast and milo."

Me:: "Milo and toast enuff? u so thin still eat so little, wait prata neh neh also disappear"

(yes, olive's neh neh worst than mosquito bites - like two pieces of prata stuck onto her chest like tat. and its prata without egg some more!)

Olive: (laughs) "u eat already or not? i watching YOG closing ceremony on tv"

Me: "u got 'oh yeh. oh yeh. oh yeh. HEY!' or not?"

Olive: "ceremony finish liao. hey, i thot u coming over to my place to see me. i still not 100% okay"

(Olive, tho feeling better, is not 100% recovered from her fever)

Me: "all the way just to see yur beautiful face .... will do so darling ......"

Olive: "kns ...... no need lah"

(women ah, just love to hear sweet words, even if it is obviously a lie. i say such "beautiful words because i wanted to get Olive in the mood).

Me: "but when i tink of your sweet beauty i suddenly arouse leh ...... wanna talk dirty with me?"

Olive: "u 发疯 (go mad) ah. got bitten by mad dog? see yur lao hiao colleague zaogeng is it?"

(in my office got a bladdy lao hiao colleague - late forties dress so short, make up like as if Peking Opera troop. one fine day, she accidently zaogeng, i saw china made grandma panties probably bought from lelong at pasir malam..... it cud be worse, she cud be wearing g-string ..... (vomit!))

Me: "don't spoil my dirty thots for u baby with the image of tat hiao bitch ..... i just wanna put my dick in yur mouth"

(i thot it is best to be direct and talk dirty to olive in my sexy "deep voice" - i purposely 'kek' my voice to sound macho. but i tink i sound like those ah qua at orchard towers)

Olive: (laughs) "i eat toast only, nothing caught my teeth, so don't need toothpick"

(yes, olive just referred my dick as "toothpick" size .... which is fairly accurate .... afterall Olive can still nag me while administering a BJ)

Me: "be serious bitch ... or else i spank u"

Olive: "oooooo ...... so caveman. i like."

(tis was said in a scarcastic tone not a sexy sultry way).

Me: "wah say, talk like tat lembek liao ...... come on make some sexy moans for me ...."

Olive: "okay ...... oooohhh ..... ooohhhh .... give it to me ....... oooh ...... oooh .....)

(the bladdy "oooooooh ..... oooooh" sound Olive makes is not sexy. its like the sound a gorilla makes)

Me: "okay, mood gone liao"

with tat it concludes my first "phone sex" with Olive ...... oooh oooh oooh indeed ..... sheeeezzzzz!